Q&A #7 | How can I stop mindlessly picking up my phone?
Today's reader asks how to stop picking up their phone in line, in the waiting room, and during every lull of the day.
Let me set a scene. You’re a few weeks or months into cutting out your worst social media vice. Maybe it was Instagram, maybe TikTok, maybe YouTube. Maybe all of the above. Whatever it was, you’re doing good. You are shocked to find that you barely miss it at all.
So, you’re enjoying a nice Spring day. You’re observing the gorgeous world around you on your walk to the coffee shop. It’s officially cold-brew season. You walk into the shop, and there’s a line. A long line.
No bother, there’s plenty of people-watching to do. Yet, a few minutes pass by, and you find yourself impulsively reaching for your phone. You overcome the urge, but another minute passes, and the impulse returns. Before you even make it to the counter, you’re picking up your phone and find yourself checking the most inane apps. Weather? Zillow? Checking the time in Australia on your World Clock?
This scenario can play out in countless ways. Instead of the coffee shop, it’s the doctor waiting room, or the lobby at your office building, or sitting at a restaurant waiting for a friend to return from the restroom.
It can feel frustrating to still harbor this urge despite all your progress, but it’s altogether a normal part of the process. Today’s reader question gets at the core of how to combat this impulse and live with a bit more peace in those little lulls of your day.
If you’d like to submit a question to be answered in a future installment, message me or submit a question on the chat.
Q: I’m doing great with my general usage, but I still mindlessly pick up my phone when standing in line or waiting at a doctors appointment. It’s a compulsion! How can I kick this habit?
I will be be honest – this is a hard habit to break. It was the hardest aspect for me to overcome. You have to understand that your relationship with your phone has been manipulated by tech companies in many ways. It’s not just the infinite feed of social media that sucks you in, it’s also that your reward system has been hacked and your dopamine system overrun. You’ve been trained to seek your phone out in any moment of downtime.
It’s also important to keep in mind that we are naturally information-seekers. We are inherently motivated to be curious and seek information from our environment. Historically, we were rewarded for this curiosity. Now, we are overloaded. We seek the anticipation of pleasure from learning new information (even something innocuous, like the weather or the time), so our bodies have been wired to crave it.
So, how do we combat these forces? It comes down to two important factors: strong willpower and the embrace of boredom.
You’ve got the power
If you’ve made it this far in your journey, I’d reckon you’ve gotten pretty good at exercising your willpower. Just as you have resisted the urge to download those toxic apps, you can carry that willpower into avoiding these compulsive check-ins. You are breaking a habit that you have likely had for years, so be patient with yourself.
When you find yourself in these moments, try to find awareness before you set foot in this door – “this will be a challenge today. I will overcome it.” Forgive yourself for slipping up if you find yourself opening up your phone. Simply acknowledge you did it, turn your phone off, and put it away. It will take a bit of time to kick this habit for good.
Willpower is only half of the equation. You also must get used to being bored.
Embracing boredom
You haven’t been bored in a long time. Standing in line, waiting in a waiting room, standing in an elevator. These are all micro-moments when we go to pick up our phone, but you are just filling the gap of this space where you are afraid to be alone with yourself.
Train yourself to spend more time alone with your own mind. When possible, keep your phone far out of reach. Maybe you have a morning routine of going to the coffee shop, when you find yourself mindlessly picking up your phone. Use this as a goal - if you can go two weeks without it, you can get a special treat on top of your coffee.
It feels insurmountable, but I promise it’s not. As I mentioned, this was the hardest habit I had to break, but now that it’s gone, I rarely pick up my phone in these moments. For longer breaks, I’ll grab my kindle, but in the little moments, I just reflect on my day ahead or just simply enjoy the people-watching.
In fact, it’s become a bit of a special treat to notice the world around me. Society spends so much time head down. It’s refreshing to look up and see how much good there is to enjoy.