How to set the foundation for change

You cannot build a house of change without a sturdy foundation.

The internal turmoil I’ve been experiencing with the Internet is nothing new. I’ve been conflicted about my relationship with tech for years. I claimed I wanted a dumbphone in my twenties, I talked about deleting Instagram more times than I can count, I waxed poetic of living in simpler, pre-iPhone times.

But all it amounted to was big talk. I never made any real lasting changes. I played around with app limits, sure, and I turned off all notifications. I aptly chose to never download TikTok or Threads. This big talk, these baby steps, they got me nowhere. I still scrolled endlessly. I continued to have staggering daily phone usage. 

To truly make real change in my life, I had to start by starting fresh, by setting a clean foundation. I had to make a focused effort to reshape my habits and strive for more.

Your mindset

It starts with a mindset change. If reading that sentence triggers an eye roll, you’re not ready. I get it, that was me for years. I couldn’t stomach motivational quotes or self-help books. It all felt repetitive or cheesy or simply, lip service. Nothing resonated with me, and I was becoming increasingly pessimistic. 

The trouble with changing your mindset is that it truly has to come from within. The good thing about changing your mindset is that it truly has to come from within. No one can say “abracadabra” and you’ll instantly become highly motivated. You must make the choice to start on this path. You must wake up one day and decide, today is the day I start making decisions that get me closer to my goals. 

Being in the right mindset isn’t just about the readiness for change, it’s also about reflection. You can’t shroud the past, you need to look back on your past with peace and acceptance. There’s no room for regret.

The most important piece in shifting your mindset? The internal motivation to make real, lasting changes that will serve the future you. This isn’t about your friends, your family, your kids, or your partner. You must have the drive to better yourself, to envision the life you want to be living and take active steps to build that life. 

Your plans

Once you’re in the right mental headspace, it’s time to make plans. Envision the future you want to have. What does this life look like? How does it differ from the life you’re living right now?

I saw my life slipping away, wasting time staring at a small box instead of looking up at the life surrounding me. It was compulsive. But I could see a life without these compulsions, where I experienced real life. I pictured growth for myself. To earn that life, I had to let go of the habits that were dragging me down. 

This part of foundation-setting is so key. You need to be brave. Identify the things that might bring you down. Be brutal about it. Letting go of these things will set you free, but it won’t always be easy. Make a list of all of the habits you want to change in your life. Close your eyes and picture what it would like without them weighing you down. How does that make you feel? What does that life look like? 

Your actions 

Here’s where it’s time to get serious. You got in the right mindset, you envisioned a life you want to live, now you have to act and make true changes in your life.

For every habit you’re trying to eliminate, for every new habit you’re trying to inhibit, make a list of steps to get there. Take it slow, you won’t change your life overnight. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, but always keep the end goal in sight. 

It’s not easy to stay motivated every day, so you need to keep a positive focus in your life. Read books about change, find people who inspire you and surround yourself with them. Avoid negative people and places. They have no room in your life.

A key aspect here is to understand that change is cumulative, it’s not linear. Your foundation will crack, you will have bad days, you will slip back into bad habits. Accept this, and be prepared to get back on the path. If you have 5 good days and 2 bad days, that is better than 0 good days. You must be gentle with yourself, and even more importantly, be proud of yourself. 

Every day you are one step closer to building the life you want to live.

One day, you’ll wake up, look around your life and realize that you did it. I can’t wait for you to meet that version of yourself.